Punishing taxpayers: Thank you sir, may I have another

By Dan Kontos

In the 1978 classic comedy movie, National Lampoon’s Animal House, fraternity pledge Chip Diller (played by Kevin Bacon) finds himself enduring the initiation ritual to enter the Omega Psi Phi fraternity at Faber College.

 

Sergeant-at-Arms Doug Neidermeyer (played by Mark Metcalf) stands before the pledges who await their turn dressed only in their tighty-whities.

He says to Diller, “Assume the position.” Diller dutifully faces away from Neidermeyer and bends over. The sergeant-at-arms then proceeds to paddle the pledge with a wooden racket. SMACK. “Thank you sir, may I have another?” is the reply by Diller. He is struck again, SMACK. “Thank you sir, may I have another?” he repeats. Again and again; SMACK.

That’s kind of what it feels like to be a Portage County taxpayer at times. Once again, the County Board grappled with the issue of a new courthouse and associated facilities. For literally decades now, the County has attempted to remedy the problems of safety, security, and maintenance of aging, outdated, and poorly designed facilities.

The Board has come to the realization that something must be done, and launched yet another study and design exercise to solve this unrelenting issue. I outlined this for you in February, where I explained that I know I’ve seen this story before. Back in August of 2021 I laid out the undeniable facts; facts that the Board agrees with.

Fact; the courthouse is aging and needs massive repairs in the near future. Fact, the design of the courts is antiquated, undersized, and foster an unsafe environment. Fact; the jail was a disaster from it’s design and is unsafe for both inmates and staff, as well as too small for our needs, which causes trade-offs in public safety. Fact; anyone who has actually taken the time to look at this issue agrees. So say the designers, consultants, owners representatives, staff, sheriff, and County Board.

So once again, the supervisors took up the fight. There was real determination from the majority of board members to quit kicking this can down the road. Time for action. Time for solutions.

Consultants were hired. Meetings were held. Presentations were hosted. Designs were drafted. Conversations were had, both in public and behind the scenes. Numbers were crunched. And don’t forget that votes were scheduled.

Don’t look now, but several high placed insiders told me that were getting cautiously optimistic that this time we may finally have a solution. Color me skeptical; I’ve seen this before.

The County Board was propelled to act, and on April 18 voted 15-10 to finally (again) replace the aging and deficient infrastructure with a new set of buildings. Hooray! The Board approved the building on the cheaper “green site” than the more expensive “downtown” site.

The next hurdle was the financing. The admittedly outrageous price tag of around $180M for the first phase was staggering, but a product of the Board’s own doing. With each successive failure to act in the past, the costs rose. Not only did the price tag for new buildings go up, the wasted funds to repetitively study and design the previous attempts, along with maintenance and housing costs all went down the drain. Remember not that long ago when the cost was estimated to be $87M? However, this was a chance to stop the bleed.

Since the county needed to borrow the money, a three-quarters supermajority of the Board was needed. That would be 18 out of 25. With the question of the downtown site out of the way, it was hoped that at least a few supervisors would recognize that the perfect is often the enemy of the good, at least in their eyes, and vote accordingly.

As predictably as a Swiss watch, on May 2, by a vote of 14 to 11, they failed to approve the financing. The project was going nowhere, again. SMACK. Thank you sir, may I have another? 

Why? Well, the reasons are the usual litany of personal preferences. Some think that the county employees are a lifeline to the downtown businesses. This ignores the facts that most county employees really don’t go downtown for their lunch meals, or that even if that were the case, there are also business owners in other parts of the city, or that no one screamed when the 50+ employees of the police department moved away.

Others wanted the local law offices to remain downtown. For some it was because it was an inconvenience and expense to move to be close to a new courthouse. Perhaps it was because you may even personally profit from having the courthouse where it is.

Any way you slice it, the $120,000 paid to BWBR/Dewberry for architectural work, and the $181,000 paid to TEGRA, the real estate company hired to act as the county’s representative, plus other ancillary costs were flushed away, again. SMACK. Thank you sir, may I have another?

The downtown issue is moot, as the Board is not looking to revisit the site they see as inferior and more expensive. It will be up to the next board to take this up again, in 2024. Until then, more wasted money will keep us afloat for a while. That’s alright, the taxpayers will foot the bill, again. SMACK. Thank you sir, may I have another?

It’s time for the holdouts on the County Board to do a little soul searching. They are supposed to make the best decisions for the whole county, and show the wherewithal to differentiate between the long term benefits of two undeniably hard choices. There were a lot of citizens who don’t live downtown who were punished this month, again. Remember that when your next tax bill comes due. SMACK. Thank you sir, may I have another?

As for me, I’m off to the dry cleaners. Heaven forbid, should another person die or get hurt because of County inaction to a problem that we have known about for a long time but did nothing, I want to be ready for that subpoena with a freshly cleaned suit. You already know what I will have to say. That’s alright though, the tax payers can pick up that tab too. SMACK. Thank you sir, may I have another?

So, with that, let’s meet in the opinion section to talk about all of it, boldly, honestly, with a healthy respect for each other, and with compassion for our fellow citizens. Until then, God bless.