Kontos Column: What saying goodbye says about us
By Dan Kontos
In August of 2021, I told you about a local hometown hero who had contracted cancer; Captain Paul Mattlin of the Stevens Point Fire Department. Like so many others, and despite the best efforts by his family and a dedicated medical team, after 20 months of combatting this scourge Paul passed away, surrounded by his loved ones at his bedside. Now he is at rest.
However, this story is not so much about Paul. It’s about our community. The day that he passed caused an outpouring of support and love that you don’t get to experience very often. While no one wanted this to happen, it says a lot about us as a people.
The news travelled very quickly, as close-knit groups are inclined to do. Those closest to the family, after a respectful time, arrived at the home and got to work. Knowing how loved Paul was, there was no doubt that there would be a steady stream of people who would feel an irresistible urge to come, show their support, and offer their love and assistance for the family.
Discreet calls and other messages were quietly sent so as to not overwhelm Paul’s wife Wendy and the boys as they said their goodbyes. Like a military operation, plans were made, double checked, and a timetable was executed, all in the background.
The hospice nurse at the house was caring, professional, and respectful. He quietly went about his business, and even waited outside for a while to allow the family and close friends to have some time together. The very fact that we have people like that in our community is a blessing. Not everyone could handle that challenge.
When the funeral home arrived, the two gentlemen that came to the home were quiet, efficient, and dutiful. One of them was impacted because he knew Paul. You see, in addition to being a firefighter, he also spent many years as a deputy coroner for the County, and got to know many funeral home directors. That’s another couple of jobs that not everyone could do; we are so blessed to have them.
Throughout the process, in between all of the stories, crying, and laughing at stories (oh yes, lots of laughing), the logistics were coming together. One neighbor brought trays of finger food and snacks. Another brought meals for the family and visitors. Everyone brought beverages.
At the appropriate time, after all the business was concluded, then they came. Friends, coworkers, well-wishers, and loved ones. A steady stream of supporters, all with their own story to tell. A constant drumbeat of hugs, tears, and laughter.
They came by the car load, on foot, and in big shiny fire trucks. Neighbors, friends, firefighters, and kids filled the house. Oh, I didn’t mention the kids? Yes, as a way to support the two young men who lived there, several of their friends came and supported the boys. Did I mention it was also Prom night?
As one group would leave after spending a respectful time, another would arrive to replace them, and the process would start all over again. Throughout the afternoon and evening, there was one common thread that could be heard over and over again, if there is anything I can do to help – just name it. And they all meant it.
Inconspicuously, a time was set. Everyone out by nine o’clock. By that time, the food was put away, the kitchen was cleaned, final goodbyes were said, and everyone went their own ways. A small team of one family member and one close friend remained behind to evaluate the change in atmosphere, from a stead buzz of conversation and laughter, to an almost eerie quiet in mere moments.
Per Paul’s wishes, there was no actual funeral. Just a small family viewing. Instead, as is no surprise to just about anyone that knew him, he wanted a Celebration of Life. So, he got what he wanted.
The O’so Brewing Company in Plover hosted the celebration. You should have seen the event; many of you were among the hundreds who did. The place was filled with family, friends, and neighbors. The adult beverages were plentiful, the food was great, and the stories were endless. More laughter, more hugs, and more tears – of course.
The Stevens Point Fire Department conducted a wonderful remembrance ceremony as other out-of-town fighters backfilled their stations. So many people whose lives were touched by Paul, all coming together to celebrate, remember, and comfort each other.
Meanwhile, daily contacts with the family continue. A meal train was planned. A small army of off duty firefighters descended upon the house to conduct spring yard work duties. Countless toasts to Paul were made around the community. All so that the torturous process of grieving, support, and healing together could progress.
This is what our community is all about, and is just one example of why this is a wonderful place to live. This is also why God chose to bless us with Paul.
So, with that, let’s meet in the opinion section to talk about all of it, boldly, honestly, and with a healthy respect for each other. Always there, always helping. Until then, God bless.